Which just about sums it up.
Life IS very crazy at the moment. I feel torn and jerked about one moment, and then the next I feel like I’ve got nothing whatsoever in the world to do.
I’ve got a lot to do, though. I really do.
I am looking again at school. Not that I want to. But. I started. I really should finish.
Editing (just getting started really) “Night of Shadows”. Look for updates about that novel, folks… cause there is actually something going to happen with it. And I’ll be telling you about it as soon as I can. 😉
Trips trips trips. Got back from a very long trip, as you well know. But I’ve already been gone on a few trips since then. But ah well. That’s okay. I have another trip coming up here soon, and I am SO looking forward to that. Can. Not. Wait.
Been trying to write on the rough draft of Nightfall, as well. That story is really special to me. So I want it written.
God’s been doing some really interesting stuff in my life. Really amazing. Break me. Make me. Do it all over again. The life of a child of God — wouldn’t trade it for the world. Literally. Sure it hurts. Sure there is hardship and struggles. But the moments of joy that He gives… Those are indescribably wonderful.
I want to apologize real quick, because I feel like I have been neglecting my blog, and I don’t want to do that. Not that I have many readers… But. Still. I feel I should post more. And get you the promised ending of the Story Soup series!
I was thinking today about life. Lots of specifics. Various emotions. Feelings. In the middle of this speculation, my best friend did a blog post (Finding Love) that really blew me away. It was … exactly what I was needing for a certain thing God was trying to show me. I would encourage you to read that post.
But life. Why do we live it? What’s the point? Sometimes wouldn’t it just be easier to throw up our hands ( 😛 ) and give it all up? I mean. If the world is right, then we’re just an accident anyway. So. What is the point?
Well. The first point is that —
The world isn’t right. We’re not accident. We have a purpose. We were created by an Almighty God who wishes to use us for His glory.
Second point —
Each moment, every day, is borrowed. We’re not our own. So why do we live this life? Because it’s all for Him. We live, we breath, we move, for Him. (“… whatsoever you do, do to the glory of God…”)
Right. I am pretty sure that you can get that. You already should know that, in fact. And I expect you do.
Here’s the thing though — we don’t live like that.
We take leaps of faith on a moment by moment basis. We trust God for one thing. We have faith for one season in our lives.
Sometimes it really feels like we’re relying on God for the big stuff that we can’t handle, and then once He bails us out, we give a snide two-fingered salute and say “Thanks, God… Until next time, boyo!”
How brilliant of us.
God has been working with me on an idea. A concept. A philosophy for life.
I have felt challenged this year, more than the rest of my entire previous years of living, of whether I will live this way.
I want to. And I will.
But I want to share that philosophy with you. Because I think you should pray about it. Because maybe God is calling you to this, too. I think God will always call you to this, either sooner or later.
This philosophy, this idea… I call it “falling”.
You know what it means to fall, right? You jump. Gravity kicks in. You fall. and SLAM! back to the ground you arrive.
Are you familiar with the term and idea of taking a leap of faith? I’ve seen this poster with scripture and stuff on it of a mountain ram jumping across a chasm, from one ledge to another, and in large bold letters the painting is captioned “Leap of Faith”.
But is it really? Is THAT really a leap of faith?
I have to say. No. It’s not.
The ram can see the other ledge. The ram has done it many times before. He’ll do it again, too. He know the outcome of his leap. He has no doubts.
Faith, on the other hand — you don’t know. You don’t know the outcome. Where you’re landing. IF you’ll even land.
Hebrews 11:1 says this: “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”
You don’t see it. You never see the outcome of a step, or leap, of faith, until you’re there. You hope, but you don’t know. If you’re living by faith, then the lamp unto your feet (Psalm 119:105) isn’t shining on the steps ahead; it is shining on the step you’re ON.
Taking a leap, a step, of faith, means you have no idea where you could end up, but you’re letting go, surrendering yourself to God, and trusting in Him to take care of it, to take care of you.
So. What does my idea of falling actually mean?
It means you’re falling. It means you never land. Just that.
It means when God asks you to jump, you’re not already looking for a place to land, you just jump.
I am finding that I am constantly growing in awe, amazement, and fear, of the Lord. (and just real quick… fear is a good thing. Maybe I’ll talk about the fear of the Lord sometime.) It never ends. Always ever more.
So when He asks me to live by faith, it can’t just be for one step, for one jump, and I already see the end in sight, and I already have myself aimed for that lovely little ledge down there. When God asks me to live by faith, I have to step out, and do it. Right then. In true FAITH. I have hopes, and dreams, but God says if I seek Him, He will give me my dreams, my desires. (Matthew 6:33). He also said not to worry about tomorrow, because it has it’s own troubles (Matthew 6:34). I should live by faith. As He leads. But if I seek my dreams, then I am guaranteed to fail… because though I gained the whole world… well. You know how that verse ends, right?
So what this idea of falling really amounts to is one idea, one vital concept– Trust.
Trusting God for the daily provision, for the provision of tomorrow, and the day after that, and the rest of your life. That doesn’t mean you sit around and do nothing.
NO! On the contrary! Waiting isn’t passive. And if you are waiting for God, if you are placing your faith and trust in Him, by golly, you better be doing SOMETHING!
Trusting God is a lot harder than it sounds. We want to think about ourselves before others, and it is really easy to get into a “Me” mentality.
Trusting God and living by faith is to be selfless. Others before you or I. Because that’s God. If Jesus had been selfish, He wouldn’t have died on the cross.
Would you die for a friend? If that friend was lost, and you knew that if you let yourself die in their stead, they would be saved? I hope your answer is yes. I mean. It’s your friend after all.
But living by faith and love, and selflessness. That means you do that for your enemy. Whoever they are.
This applies to so much more than your relationship with God, though.
For myself, I have decided, that when I marry, I will never stop falling in love with her. And yes. I can say that, because love isn’t an emotion. It is a decision. And so much more. And when I am bound to that one person for the rest of my life, I am not going to just love them… I want to love them more than I did the day before. More than the moment before. An ever growing love that never ends.
If I were to ever stop falling in love, then that allows for the chance of “falling out”. So I choose to never stop falling. To not aim for a landing place, but to fall deeper and deeper into that relationship. Not to the point of “no return”… no. I plan on leaving that one FAR behind before it’s all said and done.
And that’s how I want to live with God, too.
With my fellow man.
I want to fall and never land.
I want to live by faith. By love. By trust.
I want to be completely sold out to God, so that nothing matters more than Him.
I’m jumping. I am closing my eyes and taking the leap.